PAVEing a Blog

Marching into the last evening of The Les Miserables production, I have sweaty palms, and I am no where near in the cast and yet, for the last four performances I have fell in knee deep, falling into the cast, mesmerized by their unstoppable talent, energy and optimism.  I think that is part of the draw that I still haven’t had my fill after four performances, and I think that is telling about what every member of this production has brought forefront to the stage.

I am going to go in between stories but I received this amazing email from one of the cast and the night of last Wednesday, at Open Mic in Condesa, something hit me and I had to read it, so I did,

“Mr. Brake,

You have no reason to thank us.

We are all very thankful for the beautiful pictures, the amazing review and your touching words.

The entire group wanted to thank you in a very special way and we thought this was the most appropriate way to do it, since it is very significant for all who are involved in theater.

We all think you are an amazing person and it is obvious your soul and heart are filled with love and light. We are very fortunate that we got to meet you.

Asking you to do this is our way of saying thank you and reflecting how much your words and pictures meant to us.

Thank you for everything!!! “

Sounds a simple and non elaborate email, but yet so direct and right to the center of gratitude I felt, I read that and I immediately thought, “How incredibly lucky was I to have met each and every one of the members from Les Mis?”  I can’t put into words how that felt from the very first production, but I can tell you I felt prouder than I have in a long time, maybe the equivalent to when I am proud of my own staff of Repentino., and that also usually defies words.  This email made my year a little better, no ALOT.

This week, wow, I mean, maybe it was the spell of Les Miserables, but after coming home last week EXHAUSTED, cramming into off the street cab, and then waking up to find my camera G O N E – yes, I mean, 2 days after shooting some amazing pictures from Les Miserable, this all unfolded.  As far as I could figure I was crammed into the backseat and pushed against the door so the claspof my camera bag, at the right angle, unclipped and out toppled the camera unbeknownst to me.  The best camera I have ever owned.  Roughly 4500.00 USD plus the 600.00 USD lens, and well there you have it.  All I could think about on to levels was how am I going to capture the rest of the Les Mis productions, capping, graduation, and more?  HOW?  I was heart brown after I searched my apartment that morning, andI am sure my poor dogs knew from the way I got sick a few times in the park, the ranting and just the utter frustration.

I did tear the apartment apart, and wishful thinking of how instead of my camera being somewhere in Mexico City in a cab (maybe) – that it would appear in the library, etc.  No such luck.  I can’ t even tell you how sick I get the next day in school, I mean SICK.  Ms. Patterson knew right away that this was like my right arm, and hugged me as she realized how upset I was, as well was Teruhi and Hugo who were just utterly awesome and consoling despite how upset I was.  This devastated me completely and literally, I just had had a plan for some great moments yet to be captured and I just felt desolate. I am not sure how else I can put it.

Trudging back home the day after, I made it to the top flight of my building and a zinger I sell am reeling from, on my door hanging was my camera and a small post it note – “You lost this but now it is back to you.”  – yes, in English.  I could never begin to explain how this occurred, and even after asking tenants in the building and them not seeing a thing and not knowing what I was taking about – I RAN to the Open Mic in Condesa and read the above email I received from a Les Mis cast member and also retold this story.

Mexico City.  One camera.  Usually a treasure to have on the black market, yet, it came back and had the pictures, the lens, everything intact and I am floored.  I think I am about as floored abut this as I am recalling scene after scene of Les Mis and the smiles, the faces, the laughter, the excitement, and the skill that I witnessed and experienced from so many members of The Tech Club, stage crew, the directors, the advisors, the cast everyone.  If I could think of a more harmonious week, I would, but I have to say the life all of these individuals brought to so many people – and occasionally I would see an eye that looked that it would tear up while on stage and I truly do not think I was seeing anything – if the feelings that poured into me flowed from the cast then it is no wonder.

All of us, from differing generations have that one song or melody that invokes the amazing days that have impacted us and changed us.  There are two that comet mind to me, when I think of the power the members of The Les Miserables cast held over me this past week  and they are these:

Someone like you – Adele  – there is this pang of hurt because I do not, absolutely do not want to see this moment leave yet, the journey to get here was so amazing by this cast – it has to be.

Time of Your Life – Green Day   I am in love with these lyrics because I can put so many scenes I want to never leave my memory, and many of them comprise what I saw in the Les Miserable production.

This is the time -Billy Joel  – Yes, old, but wow, read the lyrics once and see if anything hits the soul note inside – it still does for me.  It’s funny, some things just hit you out of nowhere and for some reason, it connects with you, and it just hits you in that emotional spout in your being, it just creates a vulnerable and addictive need to see it, hear it, or just experience it over and over, and sometimes you just can’t explain it, you just feel so alive.  For me, seeing these amazing young and talented ladies and young men, on stage, behind stage, and all over, that became something I can’t explain, I just can’t get enough.  Yes, they’re THAT good.

And yet for the first time, I still get hairs that stand up on my neck when I hear each and every cast member sing and play their part in this present moment of what is Les Miserables, the only version I prefer to know and think of currently.   So tonight, I will try to secure each and every one of the members that made this journey amazing and hold them close as I also have to let this amazing experience move slowly in front of me…and the amazing things that have happened outside of Les Miserable?…icing on the cake, just icing on the cake…

Proud?  Am I proud of seeing how amazing all of these individuals have been and what they have done?  Proud is just a small word in the huge universe of emotion that the students grabbed, twisted and giveback to an audience that for three and a half hours, are able to get lost with each and every member – and that – that is something that can’t be defined into a word and IS something we can carry away with us after tonight.  🙂

What happens when an event, one single event becomes such a defining factor in how you see something, that it changes how you see that very “something” forever?  I would say that word is brilliant.  ASF’s Les Miserables 2014 school edition couldn’t fall any deeper into this category, than you could possibly imagine.  A few details are in order:

When you arrive (and arriving an hour early is not nearly too early) – you do see glimpses of the Les Miserables banner draping the inner entryway of the Ángeles Espinosa Fine Arts Center, but look closer.  Just as details that are missed can matter, this is the case with the actual items contained on the banner.  You will see key quotes that reflect the commitment, time, and reactions to being involved in such a production, so don’t miss the chance to read these, you won’t be sorry.  Having the opportunity to sign your thoughts in a guest book also invites guests to reflect on this evening, which adds to the openness of this overall production.

Why 2 shows?  is it necessary?  Just as in a film, I always notice aspects I never saw the night before, but in this case, I was just surprised at the raw talent that sometimes was represented in an A and B cast, and sometimes a total different character, but yet equally at talented, would hit me.  Two was not enough believe it or not.

Obviously the image and size of the Les Miserables’ Cosette on the curtain let you feel the importance of what had to be a huge undertaking to put on a production, as completely involved as this.  Having seen Beauty & the Beast as a first production at ASF, and working with the challenges of being a brand new experience then, and a cast that believed in what could be happening in the theatre, I had some excitement on what to expect.  Add to that, seeing Les Miserables on New York this year with some of the cast, and going behind savage to see the set design, tricks about props and more, I felt I was a little more expecting than others and was worried if I set my expectations too high on that May 16th night.

I thought these thoughts as I watched the Orchestra prepping in the pit, and I did not detect any nervousness at all, and felt this enormous wave of confidence. It is hard to explain, but you could literally feel this in seeing the confidence, the professionalism, and the demeanor each member, from the strings to  the woodwinds, to the percussion, you felt this air of something great was about to happen.

Now I know this, I expected nervousness in the actors with the hype of this production, the size of the cast, the whole bit. Nothing prepared me for what I would see.

Curtains lifted after the 3rd call, and it was on.  I mean it was ON.  Some of the lead roles struck me as being nervous yet, they all promoted this air of knowing they were just not on stage, to not just work through a musical, but that they had a message to convey to the audience, something that went beyond the cues, lines, and plot we all have come to know as Les Miserables.  I felt the nervousness fade into the second half of the production, and I have to say – I was floored. I could not believe the amounts of emotion that pulled me into the story and the characters literally developing in front of me on stage.  I saw tears in some of the actor’s eyes, I absolutely could not get the songs out of my head and I laughed and knew, every cast member had me at the very beginning when the curtain was raised.  Some very prominent things to take away with you:

“The Master of the House” refrain is unbelievably mesmerizing and catchy, and you need to take in all that see, because there is MUCH happening that is a story going on while the song has you in it’s grip.  I still am singing and laughing to what I saw due to the energy of the characters in this scene.  Amazing.

The girls that make up the prostitutes are so adamant about their situation, the way they project their anger, disappointment, and convictions come right at you, even at the very edge of the stage, they do not hold anything back.  They are brilliant.

The solo scenes, that involve romance, love, and the theme of despair go beyond that, as each of the lead roles put their heart and soul into every single word – you are having on the moment thanks to them – and you feel the tragedy and sense of loss they try to move across to you.

I am being a little vague, yet, you will see why as I detail some of the strengths each character brought to this amazing production.  Remember, having seen these vert students in the halls, I will never look at them the same again based on what I saw them do and translate to me as an audience member.  SO much so, I could not get up for intermission and had to stay out to soak it all in.

One of the most amazing things, if you remember anything at all due to the overload of exciting moments on stage, is the movement you will see in the orchestra.  If you sit close enough to see the orchestra, watch how you see the emotions of the moment, and the music, flow through each member.  You see their arms, hands, their total being a part of the scenes as they sway and move to the melodies that make this production amazing, this in itself is a show seeing unfold as they too put their heart and soul into the very music that also tells a tragic, yet beautiful story unfolding.

Alex – Never before did I envision Alex as a lead in a musical or a play, yet, while he seemed in the first night he held back in the first half a little, by the time the curtain lifted for the second half, you could sense his conviction and confidence and he owned every bit of what Marius comes to stand for and stand up for – it was exciting see Alex grow into his role within the first night, and the second show from the very beginning, Alex showed he could move Marius in the direction he needed to go.

Alexa R. – Can I say up front, I never, EVER realized how amazing a voice  Alexa had, ever.  I was dumbstruck at the very first moment I heard her bring Eponine to life, and you will be too.  Her smile, confidence, and ability to make you tear up and want Eponine to be noticed is overwhelming a times, and she brings a total wreck to your emotions with the intimate way she represents Eponine an at the end, well, I have to say, you feel everyone’s loss through the acting Alexa is able to pull off.

Alice K –  Being biased and knowing Alice  – I loved seeing her put her anger, frustration, and smiles into so many scenes, from the prostitutes to the barricade, if you can ever feel the passion put into Les Miserables, you can feel it from watching Alice through this musical.  Her conviction and belief in tho story is impossible to miss if you watch her role.

Alonso I – There is NO DOUBT anything you see Alonso doing as M. Thenardier will be stuck in your memory forever. Master of the House, literally, his mischievousness, evilness, and the fun he has while doing it, along with the expressions he deals out like the pockets he picks, is AMAZING.  He is undoubtedly made for this role andI will never look at Master of the House the same, or in a more positive note, thanks to Alonso.  

Alvaro A. as Brujon and Joly – What is really difficult to sense is how many places Alavaro is throughout the musical, unless you see it more than once.  He is able to be and perform a variety of roles and in so many places, from the gate at Cossette’s home to one of the members of wanting change in society and doing it with a smile, and an optimism that will win over every single viewer, well done.  Versatile and a part of so many aspects of this musical, he is SUPERB.

Ana Go. – Ana is able to connect so many aspects that interact with the plot, from deadlines with Fantine to representing a major aspect of the poor versus rich – and does it with confidence. Ana is able to also contain this confidence with a number of other actors that sucks you right into what is happening each step of the way.

Ana Gu. – I can’t get out of my head the intensity in one picture Ana brings to the plight of the prostitute.  Her frustration, intensity, and delivery is great and I keep thinking, she is so QUIET in the halls, how does she pull this off?  She pulls it off and THEN some, and never hesitates to show what is means to need something more.

Ana I A – Additionally, Ana’s influence and role in bringing the intensity to the message and life of the women in this musical comes out super strong.  Thanks to images I have of the show, I can’t picture anything but her ability to bring this intensity and conviction of the women to everyone watching the show  – she never falters in doing this.

Andrea – The tenderness and doubts of Cossette, and doing so remarkably well had me in total grips with the musical the first night. Andrea beings what Cossette is experiencing to heart and you feel this, right, in, your heart.  She maintains an amazing ability to sing Cossette right into everyone’s heart and she stole the show as far as what I was expecting Cossette to be after seeing the film and On Broadway version, she disappoints on NO level.

Camila  – On the second night, I was just, I can’t even put into words what I felt.  I knew how amazingly Andrea did the night before and seeing Camila project a totally different yet, mesmerizing Cossette, again, I was just blown away by the way her voice hit the high notes and brought Cossette to live. Having been lucky enough to see what Camila can do from Open Mics we have had with Repentino., this just floored me to see what she did with the role of Cossette.  You will feel greatness when you see her as Cossette and absolutely will think, of you are lucky enough to see both the A and B cast, I need to see this one more time.

David – Knowing David is just – well you are amazed at what he can bring to music and the same is true of the stage.  His involvement from all aspects of the musical are fluid, and you need to pay attention from the factory, to the brigade to many many other places and I noticed how his confidence builds, from one show to the next.  Initially, I sensed some nervousness but then starting with the  last 2 scenes of the first half, in the fist night, BAM!  David was back!  and his ability to appear like a bully yet also support the cause at hand comes flowing through.  He brings to to the audience members a trust and steadiness that only he can do through his characters.

Erik D – Being Montparnasse is no easy task, and yet the sinister and criminals aspects required are delivered by Erik.  One of four criminals, His ability to make the gang seem ever more threatening and his ability to work as a team of criminals, – well done.

Ian A – Being Claquesous and also a part of the four criminals, you sense the ability to make a pact of criminals even deadlier when Ian smiles.  He supports the threat the four bring to society, and also supports the four very strongly when it comes to trying to pull off a crime.

Isabel C – I have to say, again, seeing Isabel in the hall and then seeing her on stage being AMAZING when it comes to the jibes and comic relief she provides on M. Thenardier’s behalf, HYSTERICAL.  Her hair I mean her hair was HUGE and perfect and those TEETH? – no absolutely no way she could have been any better and the she just ROCKED this role – LOVED.

Ivan G – As a pimp and Jean Prouvaire, he does an amazing job. I am used to see him smile, and see him in school with no idea he could show the energy, emotion, and support of a cause as he does in the musical  This was awesome to see him be so involved and active in the many causes that come up in Les Miserables.  VERY impressive.

Jacinta S – Although I never pictured Jacinta as an actress or in a musical, if yo watch her closely, she plays her part exceptionally well.  Not a lead – it would be easy to say ah, she is a supporting role, nice job.  She did a GREAT job and always looked as if she was in the middle of something you need to know about more.  She did a GREAT job and I look at her differently seeing her being involved with a group that believed in this musical, so maybe  listed as Woman 5 – but she does bring Woman 5, alive (sorry for the rhyme!)

Jamie E – Seeing Jaime in a variety of acts at Open Mic and the lead of Beauty and the Beast, you want to jump on stage an join him at the brigade. The Strength, power and confidence he brings to the role as Enjorlas is infectious, and the feeling he brings to a patriotic event does go right through you.

Javier C – As Fauchelevant and Feuilly I didn’t realize  what a turning point character he was, and somehow on the second night, I felt Javier did even more to jump out at me, and he did.  Maybe he did seem more confident the second night, which yes, I think he did seem so.  Yet seeing him also in the “Drink With Me Scene” and especially the second night, It was exciting to see him grow even more into his role and feel comfortable with it.

Jeronimo R – I LOVED seeing Jeronimo as Babet and seeing him beso active and vocal of the cause for independence.  Trust me, seeing him in school, and being very quiet when I see him, this role was a shocker and I loved every minute of seeing him be much more vocal than I ever knew he could be.  He played this role perfect and well!

Jorge – As Javert I of course knew the New York and film production, and just see this as being such a strong character.  I saw an amazing growth of confidence, going from nervous to bringing it to the audience by the end of the first show and full of bravado and confidence by the second night, and you will not be disappointed by his voice quality at all.  I truly could see a rise in the confidence between one show to the next, and it only got better.

Juan P L – Wow.  Again, first night, I sense this wave of nervousness and felt his voice and projection could possibly be stronger and slightly more confident, yet by the third/fourth scene it did become more of a dominant factor  and he did have the confidence I would expect of Jean Valljean.  I especially noticed the way he was able to perform his lines while Javert sang his lines back to Valljean when needed for emotion.  You get lost in his ability to show compassion to the characters around him, while evading the tragedy hovering above his head, and I could not stop thinking of how awesome of a guy Juan P Lis in school as well, a great guy and his solos at times were perfect and just – right on track, it all clicked. Loved him in this role and it was a perfect match.  His relationship with Cossette was fluid and wonderful as well.

Juliana G – There is absolutely something mesmerizing about the initial song little Cossette sings, and Juliana causes that hair to stick up on you neck as well when you hear it.  Sad, depressing, yet just PERFECT – she brings this initial song home representing Cossette to the T when we first see her.  Her facial expressions when Valljean comes to intervene and get her way from her situation was GREAT.

Lara G – ohmygosh. I mean yes, yes yes.  The blackened teeth, the relationship she has (if you call it that) with Cossette, it is played PERFECTLY and I fell in love with the Master in the House scene immediately.  You will too, she complements M. Thenardier and the way she tries to hug Cossette?  HYSTERICAL! This set the tone amazingly for the first night and she was GREAT – WOW.

Lucia S – As Fantine, for the first night show, I was expecting some faltering, some nervousness, Lucia brought this role HOME, and then some. WOW.  I can’t put into words how I fell into Fantine’s role so fact, but I know it was due to Lucia’s strength in this character, hands down, no doubt.  You can even tell from the pictures.  Seeing her in the Shakespeare competition leaves you no wander at how talented she can be in her singing and acting, and she does not disappoint at all.

Luis d l R – You are going to fall in love with him from the very beginning.  Hands down everyone in the audience did.  His gestures that sometimes were just hysterically bash, to the amazing ability he has to catch everyone with that smile, to the confidence he exudes in every, single, line – dead ringer success.  Amazing talent and he was PERFECT – I MEAN amazing.  LOVED, and just devastated when the bad comes to his life as well – and you will too.

Maria I O – Wow.  I was so impressed with Maria, from her participation in the prostitute scene to fighting at the brigade,  in the bar, Maria brings her full energy with the other girls – 100% and it shows.  Keep your eye on her, she is full of emotion and lets it run right through her and right to you every step of the way.

Maria I – As little Cossette, B cast the same feeling of loneliness and isolation hits you when you first see her. I felt her nervousness when she first began, yet her confidence as well changes within a few moments and she was able to bring Cossette to live for me no doubt.

Marianne O – I just sensed the confidence and power of what she brought to the brigade and to the women scenes from the very beginning.  I have seen Marianne not he field and one of herbert qualities was going after the ball and not being passive.  I felt she did the same with this part and just brought everything that we were meant to feel to her character – very well done.

Natalia Flores  – After the first night, I was like, there was no way Eponine could be played better the what I saw.  I was wrong.  It wasn’t better, it was just a totally different character I saw andI LOVED it.  Her smile, her voice, her personality was just a totally different Eponine, and I can’t explain it except say, it worked and she did it so well anther voice did complete justice to the different Eponine I saw, no disappointment at all.  I had a little trouble hearing he at the gate when she saw Marius and Cossette interacting for the first time in the gate scene, but I think this was not at all due to her voice but technical – I just anted to hear her voice on a louder scale more, and her voice and acting absolutely do NOT disappoint.

Nathalie Z – Again, I am still amazed at the collective power, energy, and enthusiasm that are brought to the scenes of the women, and I sara he confidence boost from the first night to the second night in Nathalie’s performance.  I want to hear her voice ten louder as it tended to be soft yet I could tell she was in to her role and not afraid to represent her portion.  I like the fact that you sense she is not going top back down and she is going to representer part well, which she definitely does.

Nicholas K – I have to say – WOW – doing his part as Courfeyrac supporting the overall group towards indepedence worked well and he did with the right expressions and demeanor – yet – literally, what takes the cake is his role as major Domo – I mean EVERYONE was on the FLOOR laughing and he is great – no – PERFECT  – on this – it was the funniest 3 minutes I can recollect and it is picture perfect  🙂

Paola M – Seriously, it is what you also know outside of this role that adds to Paola’s role here as Fantine – other than being just amazing at keeping you affixed to what Fantine is going through, a stellar and powerful voice of emotion up and down the roller coaster of emotions, knowing she is an unbelievable artist in many ways outside of this musical, you see the artist in Paola immediately, it hits you like a freight train.  If you do not mind hanging on every word she sings – you stumble away saying, A and B cast – I mean WHOA!  They are amazing and Paola will leaving you wanting so much more or to see it all over again – she was beautiful in voice, demeanor and her confidence – PERFECT and memorable.  Add to that her energy at the Brigade AND as Fantine – and I mean, she gives it her all and her all is everything!

Paul K – No offense Paul, but I loved you as the priest in this role.  LOVED.  You brought a calmness and gentleness to the priest that I had no idea you could deliver in a role. A priest?  You? Paul?  Seriously?  I mean you did it effortlessly, did you ever think that might be your calling?  After seeing you be this role, the audience members will think he indeed is – very convincing and very in the role, it worked so WELL!

Susanne K – I recognized hername, yet was not quite sure I saw Susanne before and yet, you will remember her after seeing her role.  As the factory girl, she totally leads her role with confidence and conviction and never falter.  It’s funny, when you see roles like “factory girl” or “Woman 10” you expect someone to kind of be in the background, yet everyone of these roles, and in the case thanks to Susanne, bring a level of importance and character to the overall musical, and Susanne definitely does all around.

Tamara K – Again, ditto above, and not because she is listed as woman 11, but because she is confident throughout all the scenes with the women involved.  ALL.  She just brings it home and shows the audience she is important to the musical, and you to ally sense this when you see Tamara on stage.

Ximena V – She played the part perfect as the bishop’s sister and one of the women overall.  Confident, not hanging back it seemed at all, what might seem to some as a minor role was not because she acted so confident in all she did, you are very content with her being there on stage, as she contributes 100% percent – go ahead, watch her and you will see, she has earned the right to be there and then some.

Yair G- No offense but I loved Yair as Bamatabois and Grantaire, always present, and he did bring some surprising strong vocals that I did not know he could provide, then you take into account how much time he spent on the earning and fundraising and publicity and still to see him so involved on stage as well?  It is no reason he wants to be drunk on the stage, lol, but honestly he brings the role of these two to reality without even a blink – and seeing him so attentive to the characters around him even more intensifies his roles as a whole.

As if these above did not contribute enough, the Orchestra and the combination of the above actors, did cause emotions to go RIGHT THROUGH YOU. It feels like waves of the revolt, the fight, the struggles, every step of the ay worked through you as an audience member, then you realize, whoa.  Wait.  School musical, seriously, you are that sucked in.

I can’t say enough about what an undertaking this is, and how much is involved to bring such a production to you – and it happens.  I mean full force it happens, and when you look around and see how many people surround you – how many seats are empty? (none) – the emotions of not wanting it to be over, and wanting to see everyone above one more time – has you realize how amazingly lucky you where to see such major contributors put together one amazing emotional representation of a giant in Broadway right now.

When you think of how amazing the Theatre Tech Club led by Alexander D W is, and then the stage manager, Marcela, her dream coming true with so much talent in the crew, how amazing they were in changing scenes effortlessly, and the amazing accommodations by the Fine Arts Center made up of Teruhi and Hugo, the details applied by the stage crew, and whoa, the feeling of the musical seen through the way the Orchestra flowed with the music (Mr. McCabe, Lucia, DO Hee, and many more that just astound you with the music at their fingertips), standing back and seeing how the parents helped support the next production with the French cafe, down to how great the volunteers with programs, how well the lights were during the show, to just how amazing it is when you out this all together –

If you wanted a show that you want to live on and on in your memory – this is it.  DO NOT MISS THIS for the world; the raw talent I saw, both nights, and trust me 2 nights is not enough – will stick with me for years from now.  That is something that truly, “Beautifully Miserable” as so well stated by Alice.

Having the amazing luck to see each of these individuals in the halls of ASF, their talents and abilities, and what I expected of them or in some cases was surprised by what they DID bring to the stage, just blew me away.  I am still not sure I can find, or have found the words to say exactly, how proud it is to see ASF represented with them on that stage in the Fine Arts Center, but, you will will the exact same way when you see this production, I feel the best musical I have seen for countless reasons, and you will feel the same.

It seemed like yesterday when I remember seeing the early stages of a practice on stage –

to the amazing spirited call of energy here found with a flag that represented so much:

truly makes this a huge success!  It makes it that rich, that much harder to say goodbye as some of the graduates do become graduates,  I am not sure I can ready myself yet for that step – and I haven’t even had them as students in the classroom!

Exhausted. I mean it has been ages since I could hardly even walk straight from yes, exhaustion and nothing else. Yet, Saturday night, I literally had to brace my knees as I made I up the stairs, sat down for a quick 10 minutes to just grab enough energy to push myself off to walk the dogs who had been inside for over 7 hours (the “pups”) still believe in frequent visit outside, and then literally, after pushing myself back up the flights to my apartment (calculating in my head, since Friday, I had done the Observatorio stairs 8 times since this Saturday night, my 4 flights of stairs at LEAST 16 times,)   and literally, let Kinah, Wriggley, and Amaya go back to their favorite bone chewing, and dropped, I mean DROPPED into bed, trying to get rid of a four day headache, and poof. Out.

Yet, looking back, it was amazing the events that transpired this weekend, and despite the utter “nothing left in me” feeling, I was amazed at this weekend of activity.

Casually sending messages back and forth to family and staff members on Facebook this weekend, I received an instant message – and this one of all things impresses me about Facebook – it connects people you have lost touch with and actually wish you had contact with. LOL. True – Facebook connects you often with the good, the bad, the ugly, yet, once in awhile the finds you receive are worth all those in a handbasket – (love that key word phrase) – but a coworker from my past life as a stable worker and educator at a magical place in Pennsylvania just happened to drop me an instant message, and just like that, my day was made.   At one time in a past life I used to help maintain a stable of horses and the whole bit – shoveling the stalls, causal rides, everything, it was heaven. Mainly because I had an amazing group of staff that took me in, embraced the life of horses and being outdoors, and literally, I was in love with my job and those experiences more than anything I did. I was lucky enough, thanks to her email, to reconnect with one of them and one of the oddest things came up yes, raccoons and diapers.

The phrase, “He’s goofy as a pet raccoon like the rest of us!” came up and I instantly remembered my Dad, taking on every animal that came our way, since we lived near an interstate and often there were casualties, from deer, to fox, to yes, raccoons. So, for awhile, until they grew mean – we were able to have them around as pets and well, Dad thought it best to keep them in diapers, and it did work. Little mess and it was kind of like watching those clowns in a circus waddle in their shoes? – only we have raccoons, and diapers. Their literal grasp of food at dinner and being content to settle in your lap while you pet them added to the charm, but as always, they had to be let go at some point and always know of one base that they could return to grab food if needed.

I always said if you have friends that can help you pull up memories that keep you warm, you truly have friends. It was so amazing to reconnect with someone I had been thinking about for years, and sure enough, she is training, riding and grooming the horses and young riders to ride those horses in completion, what she does best. I can hardly wait until the day I begin to do the same, that is one goal I have yet to set but know I will get there, to retreat to a small area calling it home and have the chance to ride, relax, and contemplate all the experiences that had led me to that point, all the amazing people that had been in my life, in a home of my own design and making. Yet, I have to say it is comforting to feel that way around certain friends that bring that out on you, and certainly she is one! It is exciting to see her help so many people as well, and serve as a role model with the element she loves and knows best, the sport of horsemanship. (In this case, horsewomanship…)

What is a librarian? I have to say, it is one thing to buy into a program and

1) to get more credits to get a higher pay

2) Get a higher degree to just make a transformation to another career change   3) To get bragging rights and say, aha! “I have TWO Master’s!”

4) Being genuinely interested in the subject matter, wanting to internalize the information to make yourself a better _____________ (fill in the blank) and also help further those around you.

Overall, I always heard and knew of the stereotypes of librarians, from growing up, loving books, and always trying to be around books.   The books, the libraries, LOVED. I knew I always wanted to be involved with them somewhere along the line and throughout all my life. Yet, I knew fro ages ago I looked at librarians as powerful and having secret abilities many did not see, or so I thought.

When I finally came to the realization how much energy and excitement librarians COULD HAVE – (yes, librarians and Exciting in the same sentence)…I knew I wanted to be one, KNEW. And so , while many people in my first and second year of study while I was in Delaware, many colleagues, began taking courses in things to simply add a new title to their resume, I knew I was on the right path with the amazing workload and amount of information I hoarded away every semester, and here I was, 11 years later – ELEVEN YEARS, finished and I have changed so incredibly much – all from the experience of one single degree that grew with me through much heartache along the way. So, yes, I wish in one aspect that I did not take 11 years to complete, however, yes, I am glad it did because I grew along with the changes in the field as I studied, sweated, and put out so many late hours past just reading, by applying and interacting with people all over the world, my degree was more than a title and a piece of paper and a credit increase, it became a part of me.

You think that changing yourself or growing with a new field of study is well, cut and dry, right? I have this belief, to truly become what you envision in a field of study you are genuinely interested in, you need to develop a very, very thick skin. Remember, I wanted to change how people saw librarians because I believed they had something more to offer. I wanted to show the world this belief, which became part of who I was as well. Along the way, and this is true of anyone wanting to change a stereotype o image that has existed for ages – I have received criticism that has helped me change for the better, I have received criticism of those ignorant of what has been going on behind the scenes and in reality I have received criticism for trying to break a mold that has been set for years, criticism based on jealousy that I never saw but everyone around me told me existed, and just criticism for being me. I do think this, wanting to change something you believe in is no easy task, and you need to be prepared to stick you to your gut, you know the felling when you come across the campus, or being with a friend that nothing has to be said and just being – and it is fine, that gut feeling – you need to stick you and ever compromise, unless you want to compromise all you stand to be and believe in. I am not willing to do that but I have to admit, the school of hard knocks have made me realize, it is important to stick to that gut knowledge and sift out the aspects that are critical to me growing, and critical to the realization that I am doing something right.

What kind of roadblocks would inhibit you to change something you believe in you ask? Wow, looking back I had everything from comments on my class discussion that people, studying to be librarians felt I was not sincere about my studies because I phrased my posts to songs and past movies (I realized there is a major decline in humor from those studying to be librarians, not good news for future libraries and interacting with patrons) – to lack of support from administration in the states due to their belief that parents, despite the actions of their students in the classroom – are always always always right – until something serious happens, what is often not realized is when not backing up the educator, that educator’s legs are cut from underneath them, – yet, with the proper documentation and track record of excellence, it should be much more difficult to not support educators than TO support them, to individuals around you jealous or angry at spending time with the very people that are future patrons of a library, I mean we could go on and one, but it comes down to this – everywhere and nowhere.

Everywhere and Nowhere seems to be the mantra I always feel – being everywhere and nowhere yet covering and involving so many diverse groups into activities, always providing, organizing, and researching and implementing, this is just the tip of what the 21^st Century Librarian is capable of, if they believe in the power of others. What I mean is being able to provide opportunities to others and let them relish in these accomplishments, not needing to take credit for many things but providing chances for others to be starts, be successful, and being literally everywhere, yet seemingly out of site (nowhere) yet still putting into motion ideas and activities that will only help others – this is the ultimate Pay it Forward, and yet, that is truly the full potential of what a librarian can do.

Scrap the ideas of cataloging, budgeting, and dusting as the primary traits that define a good librarian, or not…but by opening the doors and windows to being capable of more than those foundational traits (test they are still important and essential!), add being in the classroom, in the library of course, but also willing to be everywhere else and connect links, resources, people in general, activities, ideas, initiatives, grants, projects, and so much more, (WHEW!) the general term “librarian” begins to shrink and the librarian themselves become something larger than life and a hub, an informational center if you will, allowing a meeting place of ideas, possibilities and excitement to grow and multiply in others. I want to be known for that, passing on ideas and seeing others run with it and letting it grow and become something even greater for others!

I have noticed one major thing since coming to Mexico and becoming a librarian/Media Specialist according to a piece of paper that states I studies courses in this area. I have become more contemplative and demanding of the quality of life I want. I also realize I am far from perfect and have come to see my flaws, but embrace them and create a life around those that I want. Examples of how I have changed and developed?, Hmmm, okay here goes:

1)    I hate gossip. I hate gossipers. I tolerate someone coming to me trying to share this, and I notice, the more people gossip, the more I want to do it, and that isn’t even me, I hate it – ironic, eh? I try to distance myself from this as much as possible and spend my time on people’s strengths and if I share something, this does not mean it is automatic ticket to tell someone else, it means, wow, I feel this way about something someone did or said, and as a friend, how do I deal with that? Opposed to picking up someone’s conversation and passing it on to another for the sake of being the person that passed on a tidbit of gossipy conversation.   At first I was like, how did this develop in my studies of being a Media Specialist, YET, with all the social media, we have a job as Media Specialists/librarians to discern what is appropriate for ourselves and how we pas that information on for a beneficial purpose, not a private one.

2)    I am not sure about you, but me? Part of the draw of libraries is they are like a haven, I need tons of light, tons, streaming in, feeling the warmth, and just being around all the possibilities that are contained within the pages. I want others to feel that way too, even if they do not like to read I mean, there are moments I need to have quiet to roll through my thoughts but overall? – I want a place that can contain Quiet and Loud, not being shushed in one area and being able to express my excitement and discovery of a topic and be a little loud if I may, in another area. That has just opened up the possibilities that can occur in a library for me, and I want to be IN THAT PLACE! I want to feel mu lowest, and my highest, my moments I need to hide away, and the moments I want to be around everyone in a library – if I can do that, wow, that power I feel in my soul in a place I value.

3) I know I am a talker, I realize this and somehow, through the genes of my family, I have obtained this limitless supply of energy that just needs to be directed in many ways, and a lot of the time, I mean a lot of the time. A LOT. Yet, it’s funny, when I am around someone that just can’t shut up, (laughing) had this energy that just comes out and yet unnerves me, puts me on edge, seems to be the energy that is unproductive, or just can I say annoying? (and annoying is different for some people than others) – I just need to GET AWAY, and STAY AWAY. Lol I need about 4-5 days of just quiet, and replenishing the time I need for myself to recover from that annoyingly busy, rapid, and at-you-all-the-time energy that just drives your last nerve dancing across the table. I have to say – I am lucky to have an apartment that the breeze blows through, the quiet is ever present, and the air seems fresh as the mornings and nights I wake up to. For me, that is my retreat and heals the moments that seem I am being brought across the jagged rocks, I am lucky in that respect. I also think I have been able to collect the confidence and independence to know, these are my limits, there are my expectations and I will be more in charge of deciding who and where I place myself. I have been able to look within myself and realize these things about what I need and who I choose to be with and for how long, lol more as I have been able to create, develop, and plan the direction I want to go as a librarian/advocate for information. I never thought I would realize things that were personal and be able to build on them, but, I am surprised every day at how I have developed base don something I enjoyed so much, and how many doors it opened in the way of possibilities.

4)   Learning is limitless unless you want it to be.   I am fascinated with how books can truly make connections to other things in your life and well, sometimes not, but still have the power to shape how you see things. For example, and kind of funny, when The Lord of the Rings came out, this was the same time I received a ring that I thought would never come back to me from my Dad, long story, but if you search in my blog the title “The Rings Around Us” it’ll come up. That is a long read in addition to this current post, so just warning you, but well worth it in applying how we see ourselves among others, one of the best lessons and gifts my father ever gave me.

I remember reading Stephen King’s The Stand and at the time I was sick. I mean MAJORLY sick, in bed out of commission for a few weeks sick. It fascinated me how real the aspects of that story seeped into my real life in the form of “ohmygosh – the symptoms they have, um, I have and I have…AGH” – it was a little creepy at the time but never ceased to amaze me how real writing can be sometimes and internalize in what us happening around you in your own life.

Today, I just finished a book titled, “Close Your Eyes, Hold Hands” and I have to tell you, I was just – I could not put it down. The face that so many people have in the public – their self preservation over the concern for others, how raw life really is and the reality of so many people that have nothing, how we so take for granted what we have, all of this is humbling and it is amazing how strongly this comes out – just in one novel! Thin of all the others that do this – and thin of how exciting it is to take that knowledge and go on and do something powerful with it – there is much more power in reading if it becomes inspirations to motivate an action, similar to how there is so much more to the role of a librarian, if you choose to make it more than just the stereotype it has always been.

Aside from the above that branched out from me being able to muse more about myself from influences of things I have read, I also have realized this about myself and others:

I now know why I hate gift certificates so much. Well hold on. I LOVE receiving them, I mean it gives me a gift, heck, and that is pretty awesome – and sometimes, gift certificates are for places that fit your personality, and that is pretty freaking awesome. But, I always tread close to the proximity of not giving a gift certificate, because I always wanted to be a person that went out of their way to get something that reflected that person’s personality. I know, kind of weird but I thought – the gifts people gave me that represented something I have a specific interest in, LOVE. And for the most part, they are simple, and sometimes cost nothing – I mean, okay you are asking, I have no idea what you are talking about, have an example? Of course you are asking this, and what can I say, they are the hardest to come up at last minute’s notice, but I mean like…a basket full of individual items that that person truly likes, maybe an Etch a Sketch bringing back a reminder of what it was like to be a kid and to you they still seem a kid, possibly a cd that is from a video that you used to watch as kids, or the shirt that you had made that can’t be found anywhere else and has that phrase you laughed about for an hour – those kind of things. When I receive those? I hang on tight to them for years and treasure them more than anything you can go and find out in a store, yeah, I’m weird that way.

Retreating within myself. Lately, I am not sure why, but I have found myself much more independent, and not sure why now, but I love it. For example, I went to the opening of Les Miserables put on by our ASF students, (check out the next post in a little for that review, I think you will understand how amazing it was) – and for once, I saw people al around me I knew, and I consider myself a pretty social person needing that interaction with others, but, I mean, come on, I am a 42 year old, single guy who likes to do cool things for others but the term “cool” doesn’t always mean the same for the students that see me outside of the educational setting, and I dunno – I feel that they might be embarrassed and well like “Mr. Brake, great um will he try to come over and embarrass me outside of school?!’ lol, I have no idea what I think that. But in some settings, I just like to remain as invisible as possible wall fly style and take in everything around me to the fullest effect.   I saw several people from the past year that had graduated, and I saw them at Les Miserables, and it was amazing to see them yet, I felt like this was THEIR time back as ASF and they did not need me expecting a welcome back etc , and besides, I look older and didn’t want to cramp their style- but seriously, I like to just retreat and take in the evening which I did Friday and Saturday and then just quietly leave, and it helps me take in the amazingness of the events around me, and that is okay. I just feel this need to more and more independent lately, not sure why, but I thoroughly love being able to go places without a plan, without warning, and I have some of the best contemplations and reflections about what I want to do, if I am on the right track, ideas for the future, etc. Okay, enough going Buddha on you, just showing that some of the moments you have on your own, and decidedly you choosing to be on your own, are pretty freaking awesome and I appreciate being able to have the moments to do that in a pretty amazing place like Mexico!

Respectful without compromise : This is a funny thing – I actually enjoy positive and thoughtful criticism, and is has always guided me. Lately, I have developed a “Screw you” philosophy side to myself as well, ad I have to say, it’s about time. Remember the gut feeling I mentioned earlier? I am serious, your gut never steers you wrong. I have noticed from careful observations of those around me, the impact of certain actions and opportunities, sometimes they are good, sometimes they are not worth the time and trouble, and you should try to learn from that to be better next time. However, as you get better at evaluating the end product of projects, ideas, etc, you begin to also realize what makes you a better person. This goes back to people telling you to change, etc. To a degree, I think it is important to take all criticism into consideration, you do become a better person for it, even the advice that sometimes is hard to swallow at first. Yet, when your gut has had time to process it (so your gut being a combination of intuition, knowing yourself, and either that good feeling inside or the one that keeps nagging you saying “But this doesn’t feel right!”) it is SO very important to never compromise what you feel is important and valuable to yourself. This has so many implications I could not possibly go into detailing them all, as it is different for everyone, but, this one aspect is true. Be it job, what you do on the weekends, how you motivate others, what you do to make yourself good inside, you need to do what is right by others and yourself, yes, but at the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with evaluating your actions and making sure you are true to yourself. For me, I need to see that things I do help and benefit others, and do not need to result in praise of what I did to start it, in fact, I kind of hate being the source of all things good, and people doting on the fact that they can’t believe I was able to this or that, I’m not sure, but it embarrasses me and makes me feel uncomfortable; however, if I can see someone benefit take something and do amazing things that change them for the better, whoa, that matters to me and that is what I want, need, and desire to be able to do. I think my parents raised me well, but being humble and being able to “pass it on” is so vital to who I am, and I am sure I have gained that from my Dad and Mother on down to the people I choose to be with.  I in fact love that trait.    I simply detest cockiness, stuck up attitudes, and the “me or no one” attitude – ah – it simply sucks.   To a degree, I have been able to standup and follow a path that allows me to be my own person and do those very things. If I feel I am being compromised and unable to exercise the right to do that – wow- it is so important to me to be able to do a VARIETY of things, so I can have many choices of where to go, what to do, and be able to maintain that lifestyle for my own sanity.

I think this brings me maybe to my largest pet peeve, those that truly are out for themselves, usually major law makers that need to have strict rules all the time and follow them, unbending and inflexible and whether you realize it or not, life just passes them by. I have noticed life itself has so many changing elements to it, you need to be able to adjust the rules at a moments notice and develop ideas and aspects that work for you, as well as help others feel motivated and empowered. It is no good for one person to have this “power” and others suffer silently, frankly it sucks. As long as we have people willing to share a bit of themselves with others, believe in the inflexibility of life, and willing to just take life as an enjoyable experience and make it better for others around them, theirs in turn becomes better.

All this contemplation, and all I want to make sure is, as long as I am under the category of “librarian” I want to continue to change the ideas of how people see that role, and if motivating them in ways they did not exist or that they were aware of occurs, I think that is a mission accomplished. Everywhere and nowhere, I like the ring to that.

And to you readers, that have actually read this from beginning to end, part of me sympathizes with you, because this was quite burst of thought over a contemplative weekend, full of Les Miserables late nights, (late after coming home and walking the dogs) concessioning for gymnastics amid this, as well as squeezing in more climbing and running and waling that I thought my body was capable, I relish in the amazing people that surround me and made this weekend full of restoration, relaxation, and contemplation – and that by far is the best weekend one can have ever. Truly the phrase “”To love another person is to see the face of God” from Les Miserables sticks with me in so many of these above mentioned areas, and I realize, those that go out of their way to show how much they care for others, while also standing up for those things they believe in, are those who I want to walk with daily. Fortunately, there are many like that around me – and I think they are priceless! I also through the pondering and musings have realized, how many faults I have, and yet the friends I have made along the way take that into stride and accept me for the way I am, and we have amazing times together without any expected decisions, stressful moments or any sense of comfortable moments, what to say, how to act, putting a guard up, etc., and this goes beyond words in allowing me to keep moving forward n many many areas – including one monster of a blog post, lol.

As I spend my third day in Takoma Park, MD, ready to head to DE tomorrow, I find what is even more exciting is seeing the creative projects around me that make life more enriching and fulfilling.  It would be exciting to see these ideas come to fruition possibly in Mexico and been to spread.  I added some interesting elements to the page, Unique Things that Make Life Unique, and continue to find ways that education can be tied to our community, a powerful tool in the learning process.

I also came across a blog of someone that visited Mexico during the H1N1 scare, and it was rewarding to see how they saw Mexico a few yard ago as well.  I head out today to tour the NPR main office, as well as to explore some more corners of the D.C. area, and while it was a little more cold than I cared for yesterday, I love the vibrant energy of the city all around me!