Fathering the Dream…

Father’s Day.  Let me just explain to you my day.  I did not realize the revelations that revealed themselves until the day’s end.  It’s funny how your mind and brain just forget dates and remember important dates of events of importance – mainly to prevent you from the pain and/or sadness – hence the only way I knew it was Father’s Day from the posts of so many others and before I knew it – there was an amazing picture of my Dad Screen Shot 2015-06-22 at 1.17.43 AM– and I know already another year had passed and Father’s Day flew into the year 2015 that fast.  I also realized how incredibly lucky I was to have a father like I did, when some do truly not know the experience of a father, and there we are, realizing our troubles are so minuscule compared to so many others – so, a sometimes taken for granted lesson to think about so early in the morning – but a good one.

Let me first say how AMAZING it was to sleep in this morning – AMAZING.  Waking up to a sunny day, a quiet Sunday and being able to take Andres Jannou’s (from Walking Dog) invite to a vegetarian puesto, IMG_5666Annie Veggie, by the Cuauhtemoc Park, this was a plan and a good one!  Arriving a little early, we headed of to the various markets and tents being set up for about 10 minutes before we would return.

We ran into a man who had some of the coolest vintage cameras I have ever seen.  Between video and Polaroids, to video cameras, to reel to tell and even older cameras, it was astounding.  These cameras looked as if they JUST came off the assembly line from the 70’s on up, they were truly a wonder.  In the process we discovered he did make DVD’s from VHS and other forms of videotapes.  DVD transfer services I instantly recalled the video I had of my Dad during his birthday, at my rented apartment on Oak Street in Butler, PA, the truly last big get together I have ever had recorded with my family and Dad, that I can recall, and I have never watched it, never cracked it open, just stored it.  To tell you the truth, it scares me a lot to open that, it always has.  I do not even know what emotions I will feel in watching it, yet, today, I knew it was time to do something about that, find out and do something about getting it in a form to view.  This week that is my goal, and I feel I might have to find friends to be close by as I do so, I am not sure what I have always been so petrified of watching it, but a part of me definitely wants to at the same time, while the other is truly afraid.  This thought of doing what I have not been able to do before caused me some excitement but at the same time feelings I do not even know how to put into words.

We arrived back at the puesto and I mean, whoa.  First it is run my a mother and daughter team which is absolutely great in my book.  Second, the daughter is a model, and wow, I mean, for being a model (she definitely was) – I have never met a nicer family that worked very hard to make everything so pleasing to everyone.  The choripan,Screen Shot 2015-06-22 at 1.01.45 AM IMG_5667 the fish, the CAKE, everything vegetarian there was top-notch and I felt as if I could stay there FOREVER.  THIS IS A PLACE you MUST stop at on Saturday or Sundays ONLY, to actually believe how good it is …

I noticed I had 20 minutes to get to my next destination, a family BBQ that artist Jason Schell insisted I attend to with his girlfriend Valeria.  In being a little late (as I am known to do as of late) – we headed outside of D.F. about an hour away.   What I didn’t expect was the sense of family I felt from the instant I walked into the door.  Valeria’s father, mother, relatives, all welcomed me in but without saying a word, the feel of just being around a family that genuinely IMG_5696was a family and I relished it – that is priceless in itself.  It goes without saying, I instantly thought of my family gatherings I have missed for so so long, and everything about this meal and gathering seemed to transport memories of every such event I had with my family when we were all together.  The grilled BBQIMG_5688 of Chorizo, steak, and more, Quesadillas, Chimichurri, salsa, and so much more – it silent reminded me so much of the amazing feeling I always had when my Dad and our family were together, it felt as if anything negative was unstoppable and the sky was the limit on anything we wanted to do, it is pretty spectacular to have that feeling. Secretly, I thanks Jason Ironically from PA) over and over silently for letting me feel this again.

Moving from a great great family event, heading back to D.F., I found myself coming home, walking the dogs, then headed to the Lunario for the play, Man and Superman by Bernard Shaw.  Just when I though I just had one of the most perfect days, I settled into a play that made me laugh whole heartedly about love, the conflicts of love, and the politics that always settle in on such a topic.  HYSTERICAL.  One of the nest productions I have seen yet, more on that to come, so stay tuned.

Coming home I raced out to help a friend move items from one place to another and before I knew it, 11:15 PM and I am at home  – and I thought –

I looked back over the day and felt so many incredible INCREDIBLE moments that remind me of Dad so much but one thing stood out – his yearning, desire, commitment, and drive to help others – it never dissipated but grew stronger as he had more people around him, that always made me amazing at his spirit and energy – there was no end to the energy he had when it came to others.  He was so incredibly quiet yet his actions spoke volumes.  For some reason as well, along with these thoughts, I also saw incredibly so many flaws I saw in myself that I simply do and have not liked over the year.  I find myself not as patient as I need to be in many many situations, I find myself quick to anger when I need to not to be, I find myself not saying the words to people when I wish I would have, I find myself needing to grow in so so many areas, and realize, for these reasons and for all the gifts I have received from my Dad, how lucky I truly am to be able to recognize these weaknesses and be able to act on them.

There is no doubt I miss my family so incredibly much when I think of the moments we have had from such a large family, how those moments are irreversible and unforgettable. Of course I always always miss my Dad so much when it comes to this, and am so incredibly grateful to my Mom for being there in these moments, as well as every one of my siblings.  Add to that the gifts my father had for instilling the fact that the care and affection given to animals is the same energy and interest needed to be given to fellow human beings, just in a different form.  Leaving the house at 3:00 AM to help someone, let alone spending all day gathering unused food for shelters to pass among families he knew needed it, to working on more cars than he could possibly work on because that was a family’s only way to get to work to earn money, always putting himself last to put others first, taking care of every one of his children no matter what, often doing so silently, ALL of this, all day I saw my Dad in pieces throughout the day – and also realized –

this is the way it is with so many people I have been lucky to come to be a part of my life.  The heartache I have when I really sit down and think of how amazing the times were with my father?  I actually have begun to feel that same heartache when I say goodbye to same amazing students and friends lately in the last few months and years and I realize, the same admiration and commitments I felt in my heart for my Dad also became present in some of the most important people that became a part of my life and my Dad had also become a part of how much they meant to me.  To me, there is no greater gift than to have that feeling, yes, it sometimes feels as if your whole ending is being torn in two but , as clashing as this sounds, there is something that also remains inside you that lets you realize all of these feelings were worth it due to the incredible moments and feelings you had on the way – they are priceless.

Fathers Day certainly has a stereotype of certain meanings but based on the above, if any of us are lucky enough to have the feelings with individuals that have touched our lives, the same way that so many Father’s have?, then we certainly have a life worth celebrating for so many reasons.   As is custom, I am posting the story that still amazes me and that I pass onto some very special seniors and close friends of mine when they doubt how certain things can actually occur in life, an event that started with my Father and involved so many people thereafter – but along with this, I look back on today and realize how many opportunities my heart has been given to grow !   Thank you Dad and so many that have shared that same care towards me and have let me love them back in some form that can’t really be explained in words – 🙂

The Rings Around Us for Seniors in 2015

It’s funny this one tiny specific moment, my Dad helped up a piece of gravel in the driveway and show me how some of the gravel pieces had absolutely perfect starts in them, I mean, PERFECT.  He gave me several of those and I remembered giving one or two of those to individuals you really had stood beside me and supported me in what to them, were small ways, but in reality were larger ways.  I realize the small things are really not so small, if they stick with you and help others along the way.

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About Harry Brake

Employee of ASF in Mexico City, Librarian, Media crazy! :)
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